Friday, February 01, 2008

I'm in HELL!!!!!!!

Ok, I know I've been absent...sorry...well, I always say that but whatever. I have to vent about something and this is my blog so I will. Here goes...

I am a bridesmaid in one of my best friend's weddings. I'm happy to partake and I'm really happy for her. There are 6 of us in the bridal party and we're all friends too. It's a good group and there's really no drama at all. Thing is, we're planning her shower. Most shower's I've been to have been paid for by the family of the bride...I guess that's just how my friends and family have been thus far. We'll, this particular friend's parents don't really have much money and they have a whole host of medical issues....I love them dearly. I'm just giving some background. Well, there have been some emails going around between the girls about the shower and we were talking about ideas, dates, logistics, etc. I was on the phone with one of the girls and I was discussing paying for the shower and I mentioned that I assumed that it was on us...she confirmed. Well, this wasn't discussed in any group discussions. So the long and short of it is that the plan is to have it at a restaurant which will be about $25 a head and my friend (the bride) has a list of about 40 people to invite. So basically, with favors, decorations and whatever else, it'll probably be around $300 a person...this is in addition to all other expenses. Well, I can't really afford to do that. Also, 2 of the bridesmaids are getting married within weeks of my friend. So some of the girls have several weddings to be in and that REALLY adds up.

I had mentioned having the shower at someone's house/apt...well, the mother of the bride is in a wheelchair and some places aren't accessible. In addition....40 people in a Manhattan apt doesn't really work unless you're Donald Trump. Also, the bride is one of the nicest people. She's the kind of person who is ALWAYS there for everyone and she always goes to everyone's birthday, she plans events for people. She's the one who is always doing for everyone else. So, she really deserves everything to be great. I touched on her family's issues...well, her mom has depression issues, weighs like 300 lbs and had polio as a child so she can't really walk, her dad has MS and her brother has Downs Syndrome. You can see there are issues. Even though life dealt them a crappy hand in the health couldn't meet nicer people. They are just good people. I'm close to the whole family.

So, there's my dilemma. Help!

I just sent this email to the bridal party...we'll see what I get in return:

Also, I have another concern and that is a financial one. I know we
haven't touched on this but I am assuming that this is being paid for
by us. That said, I figure it'll be close to $300 a person or so
because in addition to paying $22ish a person, there will be tax and
tip as well as favors and I assume decorations and whatever
incidentals. So to be on the safe side, I'm rounding to
$300...well...that's something that I really can't do. I also know
that many of you have a lot of other wedding related financial
obligations in the same time period so, I wanted to bring up this issue
and see where everyone else stands and what you're all thinking.

Let me know.


Got one response while I was composing this:

I totally understand. Although I am not sure how we can get away with
less than $200 each. I figured 22 a head plus 30% for tax and tip was
around $1200 for 40 people and divided by 6 is $200. I do not think
many people are drinkers at 12 and think we can certainly forgo to
alcohol to save some money. We can also just get the $80 cake and not
pay for the cake woman. I think you are right that we are looking in
the $200-$300 range. It is very difficult but unless we have a house or
someone's club room or something to have it at I am not sure what our
other options are...


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